"I use it for my back... I have a very gay back."
Close-up
of the infamous article, now available from the White House web store for
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As part of the White House's recently stated new policy of total openness and honesty, President Bush has come out as deeply, latently gay, with profound feelings of self-loathing. Many have praised this stark candor as a new high-water mark in restoring dignity to the highest office in the land; but some critics charge that the president is focusing on this particular scandal in order to distract attention from the fact that he is an insane murderous sociopath with a sub-human IQ and delusions of grandeur, which itself is just a clever cover for the fact that he is not human at all, but one of several advanced scouts for a predatory race of intergalactic beings intent on conquering, then devouring, the human race. This has not changed his stance on gay marriage, however. "Gays must never be allowed to marry and have offsprings of their own! Gay babies! Can you imagine? Who wantsa kiss a gay baby? Yuck! We can't have that, we have to draw the line somewhere. Yes, I admit that I'm gay... but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate it! "You gay people don't want to go and get married now," the president continues. "All you gotta do is getcherself a Cyber-Jeff like I did! Then you don't run the risk of infectifyng other victims with your gay genes! It's wrong and it's a mistake... the 'scientists' and the 'experts' say it's all genetical; but this is America, where you can be anything you wanna be, if you got the right dad... huh huh, huh huh, I'm just jokin'... but what I think I mean is, you pick yer own genes here...some people just pick the wrong ones, and it hurts... it hurts god, and it hurts the church! NOBODY should be gay! ...least of all ME." "It's HARD work bein' gay," Bush adds, apropos of nothing. "And it's got three speed settings! What more do you gay people need?" And at these words, gay babies the world over howled pitifully in their pretty pink cribs. For the VERY LATEST on the Gannon/Guckert Mysterious Phony Journalist/Real Gay Prostitute Planted in the White House Press Room For Two Whole Years!!! story click HERE |
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